I wish you all could've met me two years ago. Back when I was still a force of nature. Before anything bad had happened, and I still had the whole world at my feet. Back up until the day I was standing at the top of Jeff Hill, looking down at East Green, thinking that I was doing a good job making people proud, but I could do better...

That's the last moment I remember happily contemplating my future. The moments I can remember contemplating my life since are either anxiety driven or Jake-driven, and those moments with him can't count. Or maybe they can. But it wasn't based on anything in my life besides being with him. The rest of my life was pretty much shit then anyway.

I wish I could go back to that moment of my life between that moment on Jeff Hill and now when things started going wrong. What decision I made that took me to this page of the "Rachel's Life: Choose your own Adventure Book!". The only problem is, the wrong choices in the choose your own adventure books usually get you killed pretty quickly, so there really isn't much suffering or suspense and there really is no false hope given.

This is the worst book I've ever read so far. The beginning was the happiest. And it all went downhill from there. Even the short stories of my life are wonderful at the beginning and filled with shit by the end.

Life...it was never how it was supposed to be.

"I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work so I called him at home and then he e-mailed me to my Blackberry and so I texted to his cell and then he e-mailed me to my home account and the whole thing just got out of control. And I miss the days when you had one phone number and one answering machine and that one answering machine has one cassette tape and that one cassette tape either had a message from a guy or it didn’t. And now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It’s exhausting." - Drew Barrymore, He's Just Not That into You

Read more: http://www.quotesmovies.com/hes-just-not-that-into-you-movie-quotes/#ixzz1KTHLKXR3

Technology has officially killed dating. It has alienated couples from each other because communication is no longer special. When something happens throughout the day, I automatically text the guy to tell him what just happened. Or I can Facebook him. Or email. Or Skype. The list is endless, and while technology has helped people keep in touch no matter what the distance, the ability to instantaneously get in contact with a significant other has left no room to enjoy each other's stories when you have real, person-to-person face time.

I miss the days when I would actually receive phone calls from boys, instead of a grammatically incorrect text message that has nothing but acronyms in it. "Lol" actually used to mean that something was funny. Now it has just become something you text because you have nothing else to say.

We have gotten so used to using texting or im-ing as a buffer, a crutch if you will, for two reasons: convenience and it softens the awkwardness. And while I can appreciate the necessity for both, nothing would sweep me off my feet more than a good ol' fashion, inconvenient, super awkward phone call as the means to ask me to dinner. I'm not saying that a guy shouldn't text at all, I'm just saying that use the texting for confirming plans or to say you're going to be running late. Don't use it as a way to get me on a date.

I'm going to take a break from the texting habit for a bit and actually make an effort to have real communication with the people in my life. So, don't be offended when I don't reply to your texts. You're just going to have to wait for a call.

I did the worst walk of semi-shame last Friday. It was raining, I was wearing flats that gave me blisters, I was extremely hungover from fun at Tony's and Lucky's, and I had to walk all the way back from River Park to my place so I could shower and get to work. Not to mention, my bra was stuffed in my purse. (Nothing happened, just got more free drinks if I wasn't wearing it.) Unfortunately, I happened to walk by a tour group of kids and their parents...I could only think, "Yeah, you're daughter is going to be doing this at some point while she's here."

I remember my mom telling me that after they had helped me move into Washington freshman year, dad wanted to turn the car around because they passed a frat house that had a sign that said "Goodbye Daddy, Hello Natty." I'm kind of proud that I have now filled those parents' heads with the same thoughts. :P

I ran into my ex Jake the other day. It wasn't as awkward as it could've been, and I left feeling nothing that I thought I would be feeling. I guess the time apart has just opened my eyes to different things. He's definitely not the same guy I remember, and he looked at me with this horribly sad look on his face. He told me in a text message about a week ago that he felt bad seeing me or trying to be friends with me because of how badly he hurt me. I never realized that he would feel that way, but I want him to stop feeling like that. I'm the only one allowed to make him feel like crap about it, and since I don't feel like crap anymore, I feel no need to make him feel that way.

Also, I had my first experience with Jager this week. Let's just say I am thankful for random nice girls who are willing to walk me from Court Street to River Park. So, random nice girl, if you're out there and reading this, thank you for helping me and I'm sorry you hand to deal with my drunk ass.

Until next time,

Rach

Well I haven't exactly been very diligent about updating this so far now have I? haha

Today has just been one of those days that I've contemplated everything from my childhood, to wishing I hadn't been in such a hurry to grow up, to Taylor Swift lyrics, to Rise Against lyrics, to how amazing fruit loops are. So, naturally, I feel the need to write.

Spring quarter classes are going a lot better than I thought they would. I've been in such a shitty, slacker mode the past few quarters, thinking I had found better things that were more important, and it turns out that none of those things didn't turn out to be important in the long-term anyway. So, I'm feeling really good about doing a lot more work this quarter.

Life in other aspects, well, the living situation could be better, and everything/everyone that is associated with that could be better too. But other than that, I've been having a decent amount of fun lately and I met some really awesome new people.

I have also rediscovered my love of my Pandora. :)

I will do my best to write more often.

Spring

Well, after the overwhelming confusion of fall quarter and the crippling despair of winter quarter, I think I have finally pulled myself out of a rut and will try my best to revamp my blog and actually write from time to time.

A quick update on life:
1. My roommate sucks and we haven't actually spoken in weeks.
2. I think I've finally figured out what I want to do with my life.
3. I have a new job. :)
4. I have a new distraction.

Hopefully I will have everything settled for this quarter in a couple of weeks, and I can just kick back and enjoy everything Athens has to offer in the spring.